Box of Matches
by TheElements394
Summary: Sirius and Remus are hired by dear Professor McGonagall - Merlin knows why - to commentate at Quidditch matches between Gryffindor and Slytherin. Mishaps happen, James continues on his quest for the 'delightful' Lily Evans, and poor, old Minnie wonders what exactly went through her mind at the time.
1. Commentators!

**Wow. Our first ever story together. Silverwing, Needles, Fang and Wolfie**

 **So, just to get things straight.**

 **Ok, so this is exactly what it says on the packet; Sirius commentates every Gryffindor matches at Quidditch, to the hilarity of the students, right from first year.**

 **With Remus and McGonagall**

 **Of course.**

 **Disclaimer: We're not J.K. Rowling. Or Gollum. Or Jar Jar Binks. Or Jabba the Hutt. ;P**

* * *

First Year - Shut up, Remus

By Silverwing

"GOOD MOOOOORNING HOGWARTS!"

"Mr Black!"

"Oh, sorry, Minnie, didn't see you there."

"Now Black, I'm warning you, don't make me regret this."

"Why would you say that, Minnie?"

"Because most things you do end in a disaster or an explosion."

"Shut up Remus."

"Like that time you were trying to make your eyes change colour because this Hufflepuff girl you liked had said she liked purple eyes, and half the common room was blown to piece-"

" _Anyway Remus_ , let's start with the commentating! Alright, give me a cheer from Gryffindor!"

"YEEEEAAAAAHHHHHH!"

"Gotta love them Gryffindors! Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw, show us what you're made of!"

"YEEAAAHHHH!"

"Who are you cheering for anyway? Ah, well. Are the Slytherins going to cheer or hiss? I can never tell."

"WOOOOHOOOOOO!"

"What was that? A baby banshee? A bit pathetic, if you ask me."

"The game is starting, Black!"

"Alright, alright! Gryffindor in possession, passes, heading for the goal… OOOH, blocked by a Slytherin bludger… what's his name again?"

"It's Flint."

"Oh. Well, you see, it's really _hard_ to see who people actually _are_ up there-"

"Slytherin heading for a goal."

"Because they all look the _same_ you see when they're up in the sky-

"He's getting ready for a goal."

"So _actually_ I think-"

"He scores! 10 points to Slytherin."

"WHAT! No way- Minnie, they can't have that! I wasn't looking!"

"Black, start _commentating!_ "

"I am Minnie!"

"Professor McGonagall means _relevantly_ , Sirius."

"Shut up Remus."

"Well so _ree_."

"Gryffindor in possession."

" _I'm_ commentating, Remus."

"Whatever. Prewett in possession, passing to….. Heading for the goal…"

"GET THEM FABIAN!"

"BLACK!"

"What professor? I'm commentating?"

"You would be, Mr Black, if you would _actually focus on the game_."

"That's why I'm here."

"Shut up, Remus."

"Going for goal…"

" _Going for goal…"_

"He's only got the Keeper to get round now…"

" _He's only got the Keeper to get round now…"_

"He shoots…"

" _He shoots…"_

"Sirius STOP copying me!"

" _Sirius stop…_ wait, what? Well, let me commentate then!"

"I _am_ but you're not doing anything!"

"Gryffindor scores."

"Thanks, Professor."

"YESSSSS! GOAL! TAKE THAT YOU SLIMY SLYTHERINS, TAKE THAT YOU-"

"BLACK! IF YOU CAN'T COMMENTATE UNBIASEDLY…"

"Play resumes, Gryffindor in possession."

"PROFESSOR MCGONAGALL, I AM DOING THE BEST I CAN! Actually, _professor McGonagall_ is such a long name - can I call you something else?

" _NO_ , BLACK!"

"Now Slytherin in possession, heading towards the goal."

"Well - what about Minerva?"

"BLACK!"

"Dodges a bludger…"

"Ok, _Minnie_ it is then."

"BLACK - GET BACK TO THE MATCH!"

"Ohhh… almost lost it there! Nice swooping from the Gryffindor Chaser."

"Ok, ok Minnie!"

"CALL ME _PROFESSOR,_ BLACK!"

"Racing up the pitch with the Quaffle…"

"SORRY _PROFESSOR_ MINNIE!"

"BLACK!"

"Can he get past the Gryffindor Keeper?"

"WHY _CAN'T_ I CALL YOU MINNIE?"

"I'M A _TEACHER_ BLACK!"

"And… a brilliant save from the Gryffindor Keeper! Gryffindor now back in possession, racing up the pitch,"

"JUST… GET… BACK… TO… THE… _MATCH_ BLACK!"

"FINE! Keep your wig on!"

"Nearing the goal, OOOHHH…"

"THAT WAS DELIBERATE! FOUL! 100 POINTS FROM SLYTHERIN!"

"BLACK…"

"It looks like Prewett fell off his broom! "Ouch… that _had_ to hurt… and the Captain is calling for time out…"

"I still think Slytherin CHEATED."

"Black, all the Slytherin players were _miles_ away from Prewett, now _concentrate on the match_!"

"I was _trying_ to, but _someone_ kept shouting at me!"

"For Merlin's sake-"

"Anyway, Prewett's standing… he seems to be fine…"

"No thanks to _Slytherin_."

"For crying out-"

"And play resumes!"

 **Sorry about the split - we can only upload so many words!**


	2. Shut up, Remus

"Remus, let me-"

"Gryffindor in possession, passes… passes… and blocked by a Slytherin Chaser! Slytherin in possession!"

"What's the point of me being here anyway?"

"Black, just get on with it."

"Fine, but Remus better play fair."

"For _crying out loud_ Sirius, just commentate already!"

"Ok, ok! So… Unfortunately Slytherin's got the Quaffle, umm.. He's flying up to the Gryffindor goal… BLOCK HIM KEEPER! And… and.. NO! SLYTHERIN GOAL!"

"I don't believe it…"

"I know… he's _actually commentating_!"

"Shut up Remus - and, look Gryffindor, get on with it! It's 20 - 10 to Slytherin! _Find that_ snitch _for goodness sake_!"

"Mr Black, no biased commentary please."

"You should have hired a Hufflepuff. So Gryffindor's in possession, passes to Prewett who seems fine after being practically _killed_ by the Slytherins -"

"I knew it was too good to last."

"Passes to, er, someone else, who passes back to the other Chaser, who _hurls_ it up to Prewett, hang on - how did he get there? Did he Apparate? Is he _allowed_ to do that? And - NO! NO! COME _ON_ GRYFFINDOR - GET WITH IT! BEAT THE BROOM TWIGS OFF THOSE IDIOTS, THOSE _STUPID SNAKES-"_

"Anyway, Slytherin in possession, getting nearer to the goal."

"Remus! Give me _back the microphone_."

"Don't give it back, Mr Lupin."

" _What_!? Minnie! I thought you were on _my_ side!"

"Okay, and Slytherin Chaser aiming for a goal,"

" _Names_ , Mr Lupin."

"I-er don't know them yet."

"Oh for _crying out l-"_

"And he shoots…"

"HIPPOGRIFF TWELVE O CLOCK!"

"Mr Black, _what are you DOING?"_

"Distraction techniques…"

" _BLACK! HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL Y-"_

"Anyway, it didn't work. Slytherin scores. 30 - 10 to Slytherin."

"IS THAT THE SNITCH!"

" _BLACK! NO MORE DISTRACTION TECHNIQUES!"_

"No, Minnie - I am being _serious_!"

"Ha - I saw what you did there!"

"Shut up Remus! THE GRYFFINDOR SEEKER HAS SEEN SOMETHING - IS IT THE SNITCH? IS IT? IS… YYYYYEEEEESSSSS! GRYFFINDOR SEEKER HAS _CAUGHT THE SNITCH! YES BABY! YESSSSSSSSS!_ TAKE THAT SLYTHERIN! TAKE THAT!"

"And Gryffindor has won by 30 - 160, and the crowd has gone _crazy_!"

"YES GRYFFINDOR!"

"Minnie, I didn't know you could shout like that!"

"Shut up, Black. And see me after the match."

"Wha-"

"Leave it, Sirius."

"Hey Remus… I think it might be _time_. Cough."

"Did you just _say_ cough?"

"No. Anyway, I think we should do it _now._ Cough. Cough. Nudge."

"You _are_ saying it!"

"Shut up, Remus, and get it out!"

" _Boys, what are you_ … MR LUPIN… _WHY_ DO YOU HAVE A FIREWOR-"

" _NOW!_ "

 _BOOOOM. FIZZ. CRACKLE._

"Mr Lupin. Mr Black."

"Um… yeah, Minnie?"

" _Why_ is there a firework spelling out ' _James Potter would like Lily Evans to know that despite numerous invites from other girls he would like to invite her to Hogsmeade'_ floating across the Quidditch pitch?"

"Ah. Well… you see it was all _Remus's_ idea really…"

"Sirius! It was _Peter_!"

"Yeah, well you suggested a _firework.."_

"That was Pete, Sirius! He told me!"

"What! No - it wasn't! How _dare_ he take the claim for _my_ idea."

"Ha. You admitted it."

"Shut up, Remus."

"Uh… Sirius…"

"If you're going to gloat, I'm not listening."

"No, It's just the firework is coming back."

"Ah. Yes. I see what you mean."

"Do you think we should…?"

"Get out the way? Yeah."

"Probably quite quickly too…"

BOOOOOOOOMM. CRASH.

" _BLACK! LUPIN! MY OFFICE - IMMEDIATELY!_ "

"See, I told you. Disaster and explosion."

"Shut up, Remus. What really matters is what Lily said."

"Are you kidding me? It's _going_ to be a no."

"Why'd think that?"

"She _literally_ hates him."

"Hey, James is shouting at us."

"What's he saying?"

"I _think_ it's something along the lines of 'if you've finished discussing my love life'."

"But we haven't finished yet, have we Sirius?"

"No, we haven't. Hey - I'll make you a bet."

"Yeah?"

"10 Galleons. Dibs on her saying yes."

"DONE! Easiest 10 Galleons _ever_ made!"

"BLACK! LUPI-"

"Hang on, Minnie! So Lily, what do you say?"

" _Sonurus._ Now we can hear her."

"Thanks, Remus."

" _POTTER! YOU - YOU - YOU HORRIBLE, ARROGANT, STINKING-"_

"Oooh - that's a _little_ harsh…"

"Only a little."

"HOW MANY _TIMES_ DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU! I WOULD RATHER GO OUT WITH - WITH A POISONOUS _SLUG_ THAN YOU!"

"I told you so. Pay up."

"Shut up, Remus."

* * *

 **Helloooooo!**

 **Silverwing here, and very happy I've finished this.**

 ***bow* *bow***

 **No, I'm not overdoing it. Shut up, Wolfie.**


End file.
